You gave me this handkerchief, do you remember? To keep a part of you with me, to remember you no matter what happens. It’s not as good as talking to your sword—at least I knew you were in that— but I have to hope, don’t I? Like I hope staying huddled in this little ball under my wings will hide my whispers.
So…I guess by now you know Jay and I ran off. We thought it would be safer to leave without saying good bye, without letting you know the route we took or when we left. The whole plan was crazy and full of holes we never got to patch up, but we didn’t have any more time. There was no time to hem and haw and lay out every last possible problem without fixing any of them. We needed to go, we needed to get to Sewermouth and stop him.
Or, that’s what Jay told me.
He vomited up the organs, Gregor. I watched him. I sat in my cage and I watched him shove those slimy offal things down his gullet. He wouldn’t look at me after; he just grabbed my cage and flew for hours. Then he dropped me.
He dropped me and I watched again as he vomited up the organs he just swallowed. I watched him retch up the glistening mass and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to call out to him, to make sure he was okay, but what if it wasn’t my Jay anymore? What if this was a side effect and the organs really did take?
But they didn’t work, and it still wasn’t my Jay. My Jay was gone. He told me it was a good try, but he already had organs, and he wasn’t taking me to see Sewermouth—he was taking me to Mathew. He belonged to Mathew all along. He said he was sorry, that part of him wishes we had cut him open in Salidor, that if only we knew…but I don’t know any more if it’s a small piece of my Jay talking, or just pretty lies to give me false hope. I don’t know if my Jay was ever real.
I’m afraid. I’m afraid and I don’t like Mathew. He came to us in Braal, and said he was on our side, and maybe he was even though he was pretending to be working for Sewermouth. He needed my help, and I think I made a mistake in not trusting him, and it’s all my fault for not wanting to be used again, like my father used me. But I was used anyway, wasn’t I? I love…I loved Jay—but he was never mine, he was Mathew’s. And I don’t even know why Mathew wants me, why Jay is bringing me to Mathew.Sewermouth said he’s supposed to…to…
I have to… sniffle
Gregor please don’t let him. I’m sorry I ran away, please don’t let him hurt me.
Jay is taking me to Mathew, Gregor. Don’t let him take me.
Please, Gregor, please find me.